Brad McConahay

I caught a few pictures of a rainbow at the end of a small storm today. It looks like the pot o’ gold is somewhere in the vicinity of a Blockbuster.

I recently found a passing interest in “end times” study, sparked by a couple shows on the Discovery Science Channel regarding beliefs surrounding the Antichrist. Sorry fundies, I didn’t find “da lawd”, but along the way I did find one of the most entertaining pages I’ve ever run across…

The Rapture Index <-- CLICK!

“You could say the Rapture index is a Dow Jones Industrial Average of end time activity, but I think it would be better if you viewed it as prophetic speedometer.”

As of this writing, the index is currently at 158. The “Fasten Your Seat Belts” level starts at 145! *gulp*

My favorite category here is “Liberalism”. It never fails to amaze me how much extraneous inference this otherwise simply defined word carries amongst the politically angled and pietistically insane.

By the way, I can’t help but notice that a few of these categories would make great band names – Beast Government, The Plagues, The False Christs, The False Prophets, Kings of the East, Wild Weather – I think Food Supply was already used for an abhorrent 70s and 80s pop ballad band. No wait, that was Air Supply. If they weren’t a sign of the Apocalypse, then I don’t know what is.

Anyway, The Rapture Index is just one part of a site called Rapture Ready. It’s filled with all the usual inconsistencies of people who think they know how to interpret the bible, and know which parts are to be taken literally, and which aren’t.

Here are some quick tidbits I learned from the FAQ:

• You can help stop your effiminent son from eventually being homosexual by engaging him in activities such as fishing, hiking, hunting, building a model, and cutting the grass. Coincidentally, I just saw a crazy guy on “Cops” tonight who said that if he had a gay son, he would beat him every day until the gayness stopped. I guess it just depends on your management style.
• Vegetarians are a sign of the end times. And on a related note, animals have no soul. Wow, so vegetarians and animals are just like the RIAA.
• Angels are real and they always appear as male, although it’s not clear if this necessarily means that they have a gender. However, angels appeared so male in the bible that the Sodomites tried to “git all up in dey bidness”. Why wasn’t I taught this in Good News Club?!
• Christians and homosexuals are mutually exclusive. You can’t be both. Now that’s just gay.
• The antichrist might be gay. Apparently it’s certain that the antichrist won’t dig chicks. But they can’t decide if that means he’ll love himself, or other men. Personally, I think any antichrist worth his weight in evil could only love Indonesian shemales, which would make the whole issue very blurry indeed.
• Masturbation is okay provided you don’t think any adulterous or other immoral thoughts while in the act. I wonder if fantasizing about a three way with your spouse and a furvert is okay. Did I just say that out loud?

Here are some other highlights:

• The Mr. Antichrist Evil Pageant
• The “I Missed The Rapture. What Now?” Guide – (Rapture for Dummies?)
• Popezilla!
• King Kong is the Antichrist?
• Spring break!
• Lots of purple, um, animal baloons?

The writer mentions that he works in retail. Having worked in the soul-draining field of retail in a past life myself, I think I understand why he needs something like this to do. Everybody needs a hobby, and I guess prophecy is as good as any.

On Thursday morning I was listening to the police scanner as it often makes for good background listening while working. All of a sudden there was a big police chase moving across Hamilton County that originated in southeast Indiana where suspects had just robbed an auto parts store. Anytime a chase crosses state lines it becomes a bigger deal than the average pursuit. The local TV stations were even breaking into regular programming at this point.

After a while, I noticed they were moving toward Golf Manor and getting very close to my mother-in-law’s house, the house where my wife grew up. Imagine the surprise when they said the suspects had just wrecked at the intersection where she lives. I called the wife at work, and she called her mom. It turns out that they wrecked into the telephone pole right in front of her house, and they had taped off her yard. What a way to wake up! The passenger was captured near the scene of the wreck with lots of cash, and the driver fled to an apartment complex a couple blocks away.

Almost all of the TV coverage was centered around the SWAT team who eventually arrested the second guy hours later. But WXIX Channel 19 did manage to show one quick clip of the wreck, which is the picture shown above. It looks like it was taken from my mother-in-law’s driveway, with the yellow police tape leading over toward either end of her house.

What are the odds?!

Here are a few links to the story…

WLWT Channel 5
WKRC Channel 12
Cincinnati Enquirer